Global Warming Heats Up Economy?

Could the hottest summer in years fix the economy?

NEW YORK—The city’s recent high temperatures may be unpleasant, but Corporate America has no complaints. A business bigwig told all about the cooler side of the month-long heat wave (with averages in the mid-90s) in a secret interview.

A high-level executive at ConglomoCom, who preferred to be called ‘Teddy X,’ explained how the unforeseen benefits of the summer heat have worked wonders for the country’s financial recovery.

“Who knew that nature would be a growth opportunity?” Teddy said as he watched a dancer named Sunny perform a table dance at Chico’s Leg Room in the Financial District. “Most people can’t afford their Con Ed bills going through the roof with air conditioning, so they’ve been coming to work earlier and leaving later. They don’t always do work the entire time, but hell, they’re doing a lot more than if they were at home.”

And hard facts support Teddy’s claim that the heat wave has led to a more utilized workforce, showing 15% net growth since June across ConglomoCom. By unknowingly tapping his salaried employees for more hours, his companies (specializing in advertising and consulting) have been able to bill clients more without paying overtime.

Our link between money and the weather has reached a new level.

After a few more drinks, Teddy divulged that the air conditioning costs do not impact the bottom line nearly as much as one might think: “Heh, we turn it off at 6pm, and people don’t even realize it. We’ve got time sheets with people staying as late as 9 o’clock because they think they’re cooler here, but it’s not even true. Goes to show you it’s mental…and it keeps me flush with Chico Bucks.”

The interview concluded with Teddy making it rain and the ladies of Chico’s scurrying about to pick up their ‘college tuitions.’ But Teddy had already said enough. The nationwide effort to do more with less has clearly been aided by 2010 already being one of the hottest summers on record. It is uncertain that ConglomoCom’s growth will fully stimulate the economy, but Teddy X is certainly doing his part.

About lemarmclean

I am a writer born and raised in New York City.

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