WRs Owens and Johnson Dropped by Orville Redenbacher

Couch snack powerhouse Orville Redenbacher announced yesterday via Twitter that they will no longer sponsor Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson, who helped boost their sales while providing comic relief with the mediocre Cincinnati Bengals in 2010. The Redenbacher endorsement is one of many that have recently vanished like Owens and Johnson’s NFL roster spots.

T-Ocho may not have been discussing how to bargain shop back in 2010, but they might be soon.

The summer apparently could not end soon enough for Owens and Johnson, once star wide receivers. In recent years, T.O. and Ochocinco, as they were called when relevant, have achieved more off-the-field notoriety than gridiron success. Johnson’s recent legal issues surrounding domestic violence likely contributed to the Miami Dolphins’ decision to release him during training camp a few weeks ago. And Owens’s ubiquitous ego, which has not ebbed despite underachievement, probably had something to do his release by the Seattle Seahawks the other day.

In response to why Orville Redenbacher issued their press release in such an informal manner, Orville Redenbacher representative Sherman Unonueve (nee Melman) said, “Twitter seemed like the best way to notify those guys directly, and we frankly don’t have time to go to press with everything.” The obviously somber Unonueve continued,  “It’s hard letting them go. We love those guys. But the popcorn business is cutthroat, and even well-known companies like ours have to stay competitive, especially when our spokespeople can’t.”

Since the end of this business relationship, sources close to the situation have it on good authority that Jiffy Pop, a decidedly more ‘urban’ popcorn brand, is interested in the services of football’s once most entertaining wide receivers. Rumors of a campaign featuring the duo tailgating football games and hurling insults, a la Statler & Waldorf of The Muppet Show, already have the Internet abuzz with amateur versions of the proposed television spot.

Perhaps, in this case, art imitating life before life happens will lead to a resurgence for Owens and Johnson, as their life after football beckons with every passing day.

About lemarmclean

I am a writer born and raised in New York City.

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