Seattle to NBA: We Don’t Murder Black People

twitpic_9vsl69_527SEATTLE, WA—Local basketball fans are seizing an opportunity amid national tragedy: they’ve launched a campaign to become the new home of either the Orlando Magic or the Miami Heat.

Recently, Seattle’s desire for an NBA franchise to replace their Supersonics intensified after talks of the Sacramento Kings relocation fell through. And with the looming boycotts of the State of Florida—in response to the George Zimmerman trial verdict—hope has been restored to the fan base that said goodbye to their team, which boasted perennial all-star Kevin Durant, in 2008.

City officials have already planned an online petition, billboards, and newspaper ads to appeal to the Magic and defending champion Heat. Sources close to the situation have leaked potential headlines for the billboards and ads, including:

Seattle: If we had black people, we sure wouldn’t kill them

Hey, LeBron! How about you take your talents to We’re Not Racist Beach?

If the Magic reappears in Seattle, so will more wins…seriously, how much worse can you get and not be owned by Michael Jordan? Jiminy Christmas, the Bobcats are awful.

Gary Kemp, a spokesperson for Seattle sports fans took the appeal further when he predicted what the future would hold for teams that stay in Florida. Kemp said, “Sure, it’s one thing to take a team photo in hoodies to support Trayvon Martin. But if LeBron and those guys think the owners will let them mess with their bottom line by speaking out now, then they’ve forgotten what country they’re really in…Do you want whipped cream in this latte?”

About lemarmclean

I am a writer born and raised in New York City.

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